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Chapter 9 Developing and Ending Relationships

Interpersonal communication is instrumental in the development and dissolution of close relationships. Relationships go through various stages of development and the nature of communication between partners differs at each stage. Self-disclosure is the mechanism that increases closeness between partners as they share increasingly intimate information about themselves with one another. As relationships evolve, people may experience uncertainty about their partner and the relationship and struggle to establish interdependence, which can contribute to relational turbulence. Partners will continually weigh the costs and rewards of maintaining their relationship as they consider whether to continue or end their partnership. When relationships are ending, partners also go through stages to dissolve the relationship and limit further contact. The complexities of navigating close relationships can also lead to unhealthy or atypical interpersonal attachments, such as stalking and relational intrusion or friends-with-benefits relationships. This chapter describes the stages of relationship development and the interpersonal communication processes that are involved in maintaining and dissolving close relationships, as well as the qualities and characteristics of problematic relationships.

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Communication in Action Forms

Connect with Theory

Uncertainty reduction theory was developed to explain how people communicate to minimize doubts about their social environments. In essence, the theory claims that people don’t like uncertainty. When there is a lack of information about a conversational partner or a social situation, it can make people anxious. As a result, people try to reduce uncertainty when encountering unfamiliar social situations. According to the theory, the primary goal of communication is to reduce uncertainty so that people can predict and explain their surroundings. There are three general ways in which people go about minimizing uncertainty: passive strategies, active strategies, and interactive strategies. Passive strategies involve unobtrusive observation of others. For example, you may look someone up on social media to see what you can find out about them. Active strategies occur when people seek information from a third party or manipulate the social environment to gather information about the target person. Instead of directly interacting with the target person, you may ask their friends, co-workers, or family members about the person in question. You may also conduct experiments, such as secret tests, to see how someone reacts. Interactive strategies entail going straight to the source and asking questions to gain insights. For example, you may send the target person a message or comment on their post on social media. Another way to implement the interactive strategy is to disclose information about yourselves with the specific hope that the other person will do the same and share things about them. Although uncertainty reduction theory was originally proposed to understand how strangers communicate during that initial interaction, it has been applied to other contexts, such as intercultural interactions, established relationships, computer-mediated interactions, and organizational settings. For example, Kramer (1994) found that employees use the interactive strategy to solicit feedback from peers and supervisors to acquire knowledge during job transitions.

References and other suggested readings:

Berger, C. R. (1986). Uncertain outcome values in predicted relationships: Uncertainty reduction theory then and now. Human Communication Research, 13(1), 34-38. doi:10.1111/j.1468-2958.1986. Tb00093.x
Berger, C. R. (1987). Communicating under uncertainty. In M. Roloff & G. Miller (Eds.), Interpersonal processes: New directions in communication research (pp. 39-62). Sage.
Berger, C. R., & Calabrese, R. J. (1975). Some explorations in initial interaction and beyond: Toward a developmental theory of interpersonal communication. Human Communication Research, 1(2), 91-112. doi:10.1111/j.1468-2958.1975.tb00258.x
Knobloch, L. K. (2008). Uncertainty reduction theory: Communication under conditions of ambiguity. In L. A Baxter & D. O. Braithwaite (Eds.), Engaging theories of interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 133-144). Sage.
Knobloch, L. K. (2015). Uncertainty reduction theory. In C. R. Berger & M. E. Roloff (Eds.), International encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. John Wiley & Sons. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic144
Kramer, M. W. (1994). Uncertainty reduction during job transitions: An exploratory study of the communication experiences of newcomers and transferees. Management Communication Quarterly, 7(4), 384-412. https://doi.org/10.1177/0893318994007004002

Social penetration theory describes and explains how communication facilitates relationship development. The most central aspect of the theory is that self-disclosure is the primary vehicle used to escalate relationships. The theory suggests that the way we develop close relationships using communication is like peeling off an onion. Our self-disclosure starts with the superficial layer where we reveal public information about ourselves, such as our name, occupation, or hometown. We then move to the social or personal layer, which involves information we feel comfortable sharing to our friends, family members, or a significant other. Such information may be about our likes and dislikes, daily activities, or major life events. The innermost layer is where we keep our most private attitudes, beliefs, and thoughts. The intimate layer contains personal details that make us who we are, such as our fears, secrets, hopes, or dreams, and we only disclose them to people we trust completely. According to the theory, we can increase both breadth (the variety of topics, such as family, religion, habits, politics, career) and depth (how personal or private information is) of self-disclosure to promote the development of intimacy in the relationship. The theory has been applied to understand how people engage in self-disclosure in the online environment and its implication on relationship outcomes. For example, Valkenburg and Peter (2009) found that the positive effect of instant messaging on the quality of adolescents’ existing friendships is explained by intimate online disclosure. At the same time, not every disclosive encounter leads to desirable relational outcomes, with some even leading to rejection (Tong & Walter, 2011). Nonetheless, the theory explains how people develop close relationships by engaging in self-disclosure. 

References and other suggested readings:

Altman, I., & Taylor, D. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. Holt, Rinehart and Winston.
Carpenter, A., & Greene, K. (2015). Social penetration theory. In C. R. Berger & M. E. Roloff (Eds.), International encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. John Wiley & Sons. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic160
Manning, J. (2019). Thinking about interpersonal relationships and social penetration theory: Is it the same for lesbian, gay, or bisexual people? In C. J. Liberman, A. S. Rancer, & T. A. Avtgis (Eds.), Casing communication theory (pp. 293-303). Kendall Hunt.
Tong, S. T., & Walther, J. B. (2011). Relational maintenance and computer-mediated communication. In K. B. Wright & L. M. Webb (Eds.), Computer-mediated communication in personal relationships (pp. 98-118).Peter Lang Publishing.
Valkenburg, P. M., & Peter, J. (2009). The effects of instant messaging on the quality of adolescents’ existing friendships: A longitudinal study. Journal of Communication, 59(1), 79-97. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1460-2466.2008.01405.x

The relational turbulence model was developed to understand how people manage transitions in close relationships. The model suggests that people experience more relational uncertainty and influence from the partner when there is a change in the relationship environment. During times of transition, such as moving from casual dating to serious involvement, people may have doubts about their relationship. You may wonder how you feel about the relationship (Do I like this person? Do I want this to go on?), question your partner’s feelings and intentions in the relationship (Does he/she like me? Does he/she want this to go on?), and have concerns about the state of the relationship itself (What is our status? How will things change?). In addition, the model argues that people’s daily activities and routines are likely to be influenced by a partner during relationship transitions. For example, when first moving in with a significant other, you may find it helpful that your partner cooks dinner so that you can take care of other chores. At the same time, you may have to reschedule a haircut appointment because your partner needs a ride to work. As the example illustrates, a partner’s influence can either help accomplish everyday goals or make it more difficult to perform day-to-day activities. According to the model, both relational uncertainty and disturbances from a partner can fuel people’s perceptions of the relationship as unsteady, chaotic, fragile, and tumultuous. When this happens, it can have negative consequences on the relationship. For example, previous research has shown that relational turbulence is linked to increased experiences of jealousy (Theiss & Solomon, 2006), conflict (Brisini & Solomon, 2021), and topic avoidance (Knobloch & Carpenter-Theune, 2004).

References and other suggested readings:

Brisini, K., Solomon, D. H. (2021). Distinguishing relational turbulence, marital satisfaction, and parenting stress as predictors of ineffective arguing among parents of children with autism. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(1), 65-83. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520958197
Knobloch, L. K. (2010). Relational uncertainty and interpersonal communication. In S. W. Smith & S. R. Wilson (Eds.), New directions in interpersonal communication research (pp. 69-93). Sage.
Knobloch, L. K. (2015). The relational turbulence model: Communicating during times of transition. In D. O. Braithwaite & P. Schrodt (Eds.), Engaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives (2nd ed., pp. 377-388). Sage.
Knobloch, L. K., & Carpenter-Theune, K. E. (2004). Topic avoidance in developing romantic relationships: Associations with intimacy and relational uncertainty. Communication Research, 31(2), 173-205. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650203261516
Knobloch, L. K., & Solomon, D. H. (1999). Measuring the sources and content of relational uncertainty. Communication Studies, 50(4), 261-278. https://doi.org/10.1080/10510979909388499
Solomon, D. H. (2015). Relational turbulence model. In C. R. Berger & M. E. Roloff (Eds.), International encyclopedia of interpersonal communication. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic174
Solomon, D. H., Knobloch, L. K., Theiss, J. A., & McLaren, R. M. (2016). Relational turbulence theory: Explaining variation in subjective experiences and communication within romantic relationships. Human Communication Research, 42(4), 507-532. https://doi.org/10.1111/hcre.12091
Theiss, J. A., & Solomon, D. H. (2006). A relational turbulence model of communication about irritations in romantic relationships. Communication Research, 33(5), 391-418. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650206291482

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Selected Writings by Communication Studies majors at California State Prison

Los Angeles County, City of Lancaster

In the fall of 2016, the Department of Communication Studies at California State University, Los Angeles, began offering classes inside a maximum security prison facility to offer incarcerated persons the opportunity to achieve a bachelor’s degree in Communication. In spring of 2017, selected assignments and essays produced by those students in response to prompts from this textbook were published in Colloquy: A Journal of the Department of Communication Studies, California State University, Los Angeles. In the time since, the program created The Prison BA Journal to share the students’ work with others. In addition, collaboration between the Lancaster State Prison’s Communication Studies students and students in Cal State LA’s Animation Option brought to life student essays through animation and narration.

Dr. Kamran Afary, faculty advisor to the program and Assistant Professor of Social Justice Communication, describes the impact of learning about interpersonal communication on his students: “I have seen its life transforming effect on my students in their interpersonal relationships with each other and in repairing relationships with their families.” Through the generosity of the program, we can share their work with all students learning from this textbook.

This website shares reflections and animations created in response to Pause and Reflect prompts, organized by chapter, as well as selected essays, poems, and presentations that address other topics or course assignments. Here is just a sample of what you will find: https://vimeo.com/showcase/7155653

We hope you will take the time to learn about interpersonal communication through the words of these students: https://www.prisonbajournal.org/ipccompanion