The Queen’s Ball

Georg deF. Lord, Poems on Affairs of State: Augustan Satirical Verse, 1660–1714. Vol. I: 1660–1678. New Haven, CT and London: Yale University Press, 1963, 421–2.

Catherine of Braganza was the much overlooked consort of King Charles II. She largely escaped satire as well as notice during Charles’ reign, and this is a rare example that makes fun of the Queen’s attempts to please her husband, who liked dancing.

The Queen’s Ball

Reform, great Queen, the errors of your youth,
And hear a thing you never heard, call’d truth:
Poor private balls content the Fairy Queen;
You must dance, and dance damnably, to be seen.
Ill-natur’d little goblin, and design’d
For nothing but to dance and vex mankind,
What wiser thing could our great Monarch do
Than root ambition out by showing you?
You can the most aspiring thoughts pull down,
For who would have his wife to have his crown?
With a white vizard you may cheat our eyes;
You know a black one would be no disguise.
See in her mouth a sparkling diamond shine!
The first good thing that e’er came from that mine.
Heav’n some great curse upon that hand dispense,
That for th’ increase of mischief sent her hence!
How gracefully she moves and strives to lug
A weight of riches that might sink the pug!
Such fruits ne’er loaded so deform’d a tree:
Her jewels may be match’d, but never she.
If bold Actæon in the waves had seen
In fair Diana’s room our puppet Queen,
He would have fled and in his full career,
For greater haste, have wish’d himself a deer,
Preferr’d the bellies of his dogs to hers,
And thought ’em the more cleanly sepulchres.
What stupid madman would not choose to have
The settl’d rest and silence of a grave
Rather than such a hell, which always burns,
And from whom Nature forbids all returns?
Ormonde looks paler now than when he rid;
Your visit frightens him more than Tyburn did.
Fear of your coming does not only make
Worcester’s wise Marquis but his house to shake.
What will be next unless you mean to go
And dance among your fellow-fiends below?
There, as upon the Stygian Lake you float,
You may o’erset and sink the laden boat,
While we at the funeral rites devoutly pay,
And dance for joy that you are danc’d away.

Pet name for a small animal.

Diana transformed Actæon who was torn to pieces by his own hounds after a jealous goddess, Diana, transformed him into a stag.

Traditional place of execution by hanging.

The house of Henry Somerset, third Marquis of Worcester (1629–1700) used for balls.