Case study: Selective and effective response to writing
Dan teaches ten and 11 year olds at St Thomas of Canterbury primary school, Walsall in the West Midlands. In a teaching sequence based on Morris Gleitzman’s novel Once, he focused on the writing process, aiming that the children should write book reviews, a letter and a short narrative. This case study shows Dan’s response to the book reviews of two fluent writers: Keisha and Olivia. Writers who are achieving well sometimes offer particular challenges as far as response is concerned. Green means ‘I like this bit’ and pink signals a section that needs attention. The written dialogue between Dan and his pupils is reminiscent of the dialogic teaching outlined in Chapter 3.
In examining the theme of one of the chapters in the novel, Keisha begins: ‘The theme of the chapter is loss.’ Later, she writes:
From the beginning of the chapter Felix has discovered Zelda and him finding Zelda has been quite shocking because Zelda’s parents had passed away and so the loss began. With food and drink and patience all running out at the same time, also such as Felix running out of justification for terrible events, and Felix losing energy, too, Felix has joined a line of Jews. The chapter ends with Felix walking along side people losing [amended to ‘who had lost’] everything they have.
Teacher: What could the Nazis not have taken off the Jews?
Keisha: They didn’t steal their lives yet! They also can’t steal what’s in your mind,
head or heart. (They can’t steal abstract nouns, e.g. belief, kindness etc.)
Teacher: Beautifully constructed answer.
Keisha’s book review
(See Figure W15.1.1). She begins:
Insert Figure W15.1.1 Keisha’s book review of Once – first part
*unnecessary
Once’ is an historical adventure book and it is set in WWII. (World War Two) In the book, Morris Gleitzman * (the author of ‘Once’) manages to paint his pictures of Poland’s beautiful but destroyed landscape. There are many different environments in ‘Once’ such as the countryside, the city and the orphanage.
The main character of ‘Once’ is a boy named Felix. He is an orphan and thinks his parents are still alive. He has started a journey which shows his mind for adventure. Throughout Felix’s travels, he has becomes stronger every minute and second of his journey so far. * Felix has a strong belief. This shows that Felix is really courageous.
* A strong belief in what, Keisha? Remember, you can’t assume the reader knows.
Felix has a strong belief in himself because he truly believes that his parents are still alive.
Figure W15.1.1 Keisha’s book review of Once – first part
In a later writing session, Keisha continues her review, adding sentences after she has re-read her draft (See Figure W15.1.2):
Insert Figure W15.1.2a and b – as one piece - Keisha’s book review of Once – second part
After choosing which path to go, a father figure meets Felix and his first companion, Zelda. Could this be the beginning of Felix’s new family or not? Dragged towards concentration camp, Felix must decide the fates of himself and his new family. There is one departure that has the biggest impact on everyone. What will they do? Will they die together or make a leap of faith?
¤ 1 When Zelda doesn’t leave without Felix, I was really touched because it felt like
Zelda was glued to Felix (I cried throughout that chapter.) Another part which I was moved by, was, when Chaya, Zelda and Felix made a leap of faith. (I also
¤ 2 cried at this part too.) This touched me because
I would recommend this book to ten-year olds and above, because if children under the age of ten read this book (most would cry) (lots of times).
¤ 1 ‘Once’ is the most emotional book I have ever read.
¤ 2 I can’t believe they risked their lives jumping off a train.
* Beautiful use of questions, Keisha. Also, how you added extra parts upon review is really excellent.
* You say under tens would cry, but is that a bad thing? You said yourself that you did.
… because if children under the age of ten read this book they would cry in a bad way.
Figure W15.1.2 Keisha’s book review of Once – second part
Olivia’s book review
Olivia begins (see Figure W15.1.3):
Figure W15.1.2a and b – as one piece - Keisha’s book review of Once – second part
Morris Gleitzman was born in Lincolnshire. When he was young, he moved to the suburbs of London. With this experience, he painted a magnificent picture of the hillsides and cities. …
… The war was set in Poland from countryside to some of the smallest of towns. The cold cobbles were lit up by the gaps in the skyscrapers. The autumnal landscape is show by the grass crunching and glistening in the morning sun. The leaves gently fell [fall] and rustle in the wind. This is the only calming thing in the streets. …
Felix (in the book) always writes stories to make a bad time a bit better. If one comes to mind, he writes it down in his notebook. Felix also wears glasses which can’t help him see the danger that lurks. He also looks after a 6 [six] year old girl called Zelda. Throughout the story, Felix goes through many changes and when he learns, we learn with him. ….
Figure W15.1.3 Olivia’s book review of Once – first part
Olivia ends her review (see Figure W15.1.4) with:
Insert Figure W15.1.4 Olivia’s book review of ‘Once’ – second part
I would recommend this book to a ten-year old because they can relate and empathise with Felix. I find it beautiful when I can imagine the tough times of the war.
* Your writing at times Liv is poetic and I love reading your work. Superb structure, great use of varied sentence length and you are becoming really adept at re-reading your work. Well done. (Olivia responds O.M.)
* Would you recommend this book to children under ten? What about much older?
Olivia replies: I wouldn’t recommend this to young children because they won’t understand the war. I would recommend it to older people because they have a vast understanding of it.
Figure W15.1.4 Olivia’s book review of ‘Once’ – second part
Children’s books
Gleitzman, Morris (2006) Once. Harmondsworth: Puffin. ISBN 9780141320632.
Responding to and assessing writing throughout a teaching sequence
Scale of Progression in Writing/Composition
Describing achievement in narrative writing
How to carry out a miscue analysis of writing
Case study: Writing miscue analysis
Rhiannon, a student teacher, made these observations as she carried out a writing miscue analysis. Madesha (year 1, aged six) achieves well and sees herself as a writer, so her teacher wants to make sure she is being stretched. After carrying out a full miscue analysis, Rhiannon decided to focus on two areas for improvement – writing behaviour and the process of writing since Madesha has a tendency to be more concerned about presentation and would benefit from becoming more attentive in editing her work.
Writing behaviour
Madesha is an able and extremely assured writer who derives pleasure from the process of writing both in school and at home. She has a preference for writing fairy tales at home but observations show that she can engage effectively with a range of genres. Presentation is a significant aspect of the writing process for Madesha who explains that she enjoys extended writing time as this gives her the opportunity to do ‘posh writing that looks really good’. The perception that written work needs to ‘look really good’ may be impacting adversely on Madesha’s willingness to edit and improve her writing due to the adverse effect that changes may have on presentation. Work is completed in a hardback book which children retain throughout their school career; the notion that this writing is special, clearly resonates with Madesha and is a motivating factor. There is an element of competition evident as she seeks to write more than her peers and openly shares her progress which outstrips that of most other children.
Possible future action
Reinforce the value of all writing to avoid perceptions that all work needs to be perfect. Explain that all writers go through a process of refinement and to improve their work and consistently model this during input. Give Madesha opportunities to contribute to improvements during shared writing. Emphasise quality over speed/quantity of writing. Build editing time into the lesson part way through writing so that editing is not foregone at the expense of a desire to complete the writing process.
Process of writing
Madesha used her own planning (boxing-up) to support the sequencing of her recount, in addition to referring to classroom displays for support with spelling etc. She applies her phonic knowledge well – segmenting to spell unknown words, but has a preference for spelling independently. No support was sought from any of the adults in the room. Madesha made comparatively rapid progress, writing a total of 113 words in approximately one hour. She was very focused and engaged throughout the task stopping only once, voluntarily, to assist the child next to her to sequence her recount.
When asked to stop writing, Madesha ignored her teacher and continued – her haste to complete the recount impacting negatively upon the quality of the content. The final sentences of her writing include the word ‘and’ six times. When given the opportunity to edit her work, Madesha added a small number of full stops.
Possible future action
- Model the process of editing for improvement.
- During written work encourage Madesha to read her writing out loud highlighting pauses etc. and discussing use of full stops to improve the flow of the text.
- Ensure that memory aids in the form of planning through whole class discussion, independent boxing-up with words or pictures is maintained during future learning as these strategies support and encourage independent working whilst reducing the demands on working memory – making it possible to focus on other aspects of the writing.
- Allow time to complete work if the child would like to (even at break), given the possible frustration that must be experienced when time to complete writing is denied.
When carrying out a writing miscue analysis it is not necessary to cover all the aspects of writing. Selecting specific areas for improvement can be most effective. Rhiannon has identified some key points to focus on to move Madesha’s writing forward and has also noted some useful teaching points for teaching writing with the whole class.